4am thoughts.
Its getting harder to take care of her every day, but I’m the frog in the slowly simmering pot of water. If I were thrown into these circumstances now, it would be panic inducing. Sometimes she gives me looks that could kill. She thinks I’m a bossy stranger, and she very much has a mind of her own, wherever her version of reality is.
There is not much time left in my parents lives, I don’t want to have regrets how I treated them, our culture has become a throw away, transactional relationship in regards to our elderly. Nursing homes are filled with parents whos families are busy with their own lives. Every day I get home, I spend more time with mom, to make sure she’s fed, comfortable, warm, clean, entertained. But I’m happy I have the opportunity and means and support from my husband.
I call my dad weekly for the last few years, its a habit that was awkward at first. I’m not good on the telephone. I felt like I had nothing important to tell him. But watching my mother-in-law light up when her boys called, (they are very good at keeping in touch) then she would talk about their mundane conversations for days after, made me reach out to my dad more often. This year has been excessively lonely for older adults, not able to get to social outlets like church. It made me realize how much more important one on one communication really is crucial.
Unfortunately dad has been struggling with depression. Every time I talk to him it is evident the loneliness is taking a toll. But this weekend I happened to call while my brother Joe was there to visit him. Dad was in absolute heaven. It was a breath of fresh air to hear him so happy.
I don’t know how my future 80 year old self will live, I hope my children see my actions and know family relationships are so very important. At the least, I hope I’m worth a phone call once a week.
Adventures in Mitchell 